Successful Company Closes Doors For No Reason

SEATTLE—The WizenOps Corporation, a leader in electronics and computer hardware, and one of the most profitable and financially solvent companies on record, ceased operations worldwide on Thursday, for no reason whatsoever.

"At this time I'd like to announce that The WizenOps Corporation will close its doors, effective immediately, at all of our locations worldwide, for no reason whatsoever," said company spokesperson Shiela Whitley. "We were just sitting around skating off when someone suggested 'hey, it's Anything Can Happen Thursday, let's close the entire corporation down. Just on a lark."