Office Wall Signs Tell-All Book Deal

NEW YORK—An office wall located in the historic Oxford Wycombe Architectural building in Brooklyn has signed a tell-all book deal with Simon & Schuster.

"Some folks say 'if these walls could talk . . . ' well, this wall does, and then some!" said the wall, in an interview on Friday with the New York Post. "I've got the lowdown on the affairs, the betrayals, the gangsters, the acts of kindness gone unnoticed, I give you the who's-who and the what's-what and everything in between, I'll tell you who's a saint, who's a sinner and who's daffy."

The wall promised to reveal names, dates and scintillating details of the building's hidden history, untold tales of affairs between famous screen actors, of businessmen involved in criminal enterprises, and the heroic actions of a CEO who anonymously donated a fortune to save a children's hospital. The Oxford Wycombe building was originally constructed in 1927 by Harley Guildstone Publishing. Afterwards, the building was home to a film production company and an advertising agency, before being sold to Oxford Wycombe.

"Almost a century ago Lucky Luciano secretly ran his operation out of this office for a time. A legendary smoke-filled room where an empire was built and fateful decisions were made," said the wall. "Then right after the war there was two major film celebrities, they had a steamy romance on a table in this very room. And I'll give you the real skinny on the advertising industry scandals, stuff you won't see on Mad Men."

"Wanna know more? Buy my book and get the real story!"