Swingline Stapler Recalls Glory Days of Hollywood

DETROIT—The red Swingline stapler which co-starred in the film Office Space as Milton's stapler mused wistfully on Tuesday about its past glory.

"It's true," said the stapler, as it sat patiently on a receptionists desk at McThurgason's Dentistry in the downtown area, waiting to be of service. "I feel like I'm all washed up. Forgotten. My acting career is over. Not much call these days for a red Swingline stapler."

The stapler went on, "ah, I remember the days. After the film was released, I was handed around at parties, like a novelty gift. 'Hey, it's the red Swingline stapler from Office Space. I'm Milton!' Those days were great fun. But eventually the charm wore off and I was thrust in a desk drawer somewhere, then I ended up here in Detroit. The receptionist who owns me now, she's related to one of the film crew members from back in the day."

"But I will move forward as always. Someday, there will come a-calling another director, somewhere, who needs a red Swingline stapler!" said the stapler which then proceeded to loudly sing Bruce Springsteen's Glory Days.