Man Dies Peacefully After Plunging To His Death From Skyscraper

MANHATTAN—A man identified as Louis Walters died peacefully Friday after plummeting over seventy stories from the observation deck of the Chrysler Building, screaming all the way down before smashing into the Manhattan streets below, according to witnesses.

“Mr. Walters died peacefully,” said police spokesperson Captain John O’Reilly. “A little messy, perhaps, what with how his body splattered into a million pieces, and there was a lot of blood and gore. But still, you know, peaceful.”

Local resident Jane Smith was on scene at the time of the incident. “I was standing on the sidewalk waiting for the bus when I heard a scream above me, the sound of someone falling to their bloody death, screaming in mortal terror, and then the guy splattered into the sidewalk with a sound I don’t ever want to hear again, like a fish slapping the water,” said Smith. “But I’m sure he died peacefully.”

Walter’s death was ruled accidental as security footage from the Chrysler Building showed Walters attempting to grab his hat which the wind had blown off of his head. Walters leaned too far over the railing and plunged to his death.

New York City Coroner Miles Jones stated that Walters had died peacefully. “We pieced together what was left of Mr. Walters. He was brought in in several buckets. I’d say the deceased died from sudden impact onto a sidewalk. But he died peacefully.”